Monday, April 30, 2012

Dear God, Please Fill My Chalice. Happy Beltane!

While a lot of modern Pagans tone down Beltane because of families and such and the whole fluffy bunny aspect of the current state of Paganism, Beltane is really all about sex.
The most obvious representation of the Great Rite, Hieros Gamos, and the importance of ritual mating at Beltane is the Maypole.
Remember, a May pole without a flowered wreath is just a hand job!  I've seen a lot of wreathless May poles in the last few years, and I'm not sure why this trend has developed.  Perhaps it is ignorance or perhaps single people are just preparing the poles.
Beltane, like Samhain, is a time when the veil is thin.  While we typically think about ghosts and spirits coming through the veil at Samhain, Beltane is usually seen as a time for fairies.

Beltane also seems to be big with skyclad celebrants.  Of course the sexual nature of the holiday has a lot to do with the desire to forget clothing, but it's also (in many areas) the first warm weather holiday.  It's nice to feel the sun soaking into your naked skin.

Nakedness+Pagans=Body Paint  Go for a solid color theme, or explore your creativity and go for designs.  Here are some body paint ideas.

Beltane, like other cross-quarter holidays, is a fire festival.  Traditionally, live stock were driven between fires, and people jumped fires for luck.
At this time of year, you usually see the spinners:
And the dancers:
Beltane also seems to be the unofficial start to the festival season.  Of course, every poi spinner has to come out to show off.
They annoy me because they all seem to act like they're something special and are really only enjoyable if I'm taking something that accentuation light trails.

While the Lord and Lady hook up during Beltane, many other couples do too.  In ancient times, it was customary for the young man to build a brush and flower bower to bed his chosen lady in.  This custom is still sweet and timeless today.
While you make love, feel your inner deity come through and connect to your partner's inner deity.

May you experience fire, flowers, and an ecstatic May pole dance!

These folks like fire in their Beltane:
Erotic Sensations:

Friday, April 27, 2012

Intercourse in Ritual

"There is something so amazing about a sexual climax, where you are so engulfed by the sensations, that I think you actually transcend your own self and ego ... and all that you identify with at that point, and [you] achieve a new level or consciousness that is totally pure." --Martina

There's tons of books and websites and workshops out there about sex magic and tantric sex.  That's not what this entry is about.

Intercourse in ritual is a natural extension of Hieros Gamos, the sacred marriage and union of the God and Goddess.  There are many different ways that sex can be used in ritual to enhance the ritual and magic.  And sex, as it's being used here, means with two or more people or solitary.  Masturbation works just as well as partnered sex.  Here's a short, short run down of some different ideas to get you into the Beltane spirit.

Sex to call the quarters
Consider using different positions, toys, or acts to call in the elements and quarters.

Sex to Invoke the Lord and Lady
Consider using different positions or toys to invoke the God and Goddess.  If you're having sex with a partner of the opposite sex/gender affiliation, when invoking the Goddess, the girl can be on top.  When invoking the God, guy on top.

Sex to raise energy
In many different sex magic traditions, sex is used to generate the energy behind the magic, with the spell being completed upon climax.

Literal Hieros Gamos
Instead of an athame and chalice, use your body as it was meant to be used!

If your tradition calls for libations to be poured during ritual, sexual fluids are a wonderful libation liquid and are much more meaningful than cheap wine.

Sex to ground
While sex can be used to raise energy, sex can also be used to dissipate energy.  As you climax, feel all that extra energy from ritual seep into the ground and leave your body.

Sex as the whole ritual
For those with stamina and creativity, sex can be the whole ritual act.  Foreplay can be used to call in the elements and invoke the Lord and Lady, food can be added in for cakes and ale, and climax after climax can be added in for magical acts, libations, and grounding.

Let my worship be within the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.

With the Lady's words in mind, outdoor sex should be done on private property, no underage participants should be present at rituals that involve sex or sexual acts, and all sexual acts should be consensual.

These folks have sex in ritual:
Erotic Sensations:
Tonia Brown:

Thursday, April 19, 2012

May You Never Thirst, Part 2: I'll Bring the Hooch and You Bring the Cooch!

I always wanted a flower making machine!  For a lot of folks of a certain generation or folks who grew up in the Carolinas, most of our images of untaxed homemade liquor came from The Andy Griffin Show, old time NASCAR (before it crossed the Mississippi), and our grandparents.

In the spirit of full disclosure, my first experiences with moonshine was my grandmother telling me stories about her two older brothers bootlegging in their "peg leg" model T for a family they married into.  Evidently, they would come and hide at the house when the law was after them.  My grandmother remembered her mother bribing all the children with candy so they would not to talk to the police when they came to the door. Grandma always ended the stories with "But that's not something we tell folks.  That poor girl couldn't help her daddy was a bootlegger."  Sorry Grandma. 
Moonshine is not a thing of the past.  Any random viewing on cable or satellite TV will offering up several different television shows and documentaries on the practice, especially since the suicide of Popcorn Sutton.  Moonshine is still being made by lots of people: young and old; Pagan and Christian.  Mr. Mt. Dew is just such a distiller--former distiller.  While he started out Christian (like many of us), he's followed a more or less Druidic path for the last four years.  He started out learning the family recipe for moonshine from his grandfather when he was a boy.  After his grandfather passed, Mr. Mt. Dew continued to distill for the next six years.

Mr. Mt. Dew has made it all, from bath tub gin to fruit brandies (just white liquor made from fruit) to corn liquor to wine and mead.  He use to raise some of the corn and fruit himself, but at other times the materials were outsourced.  
Mr. Mt. Dew also incorporates whiskey and distilling into his religious practice. "I fully believe in using spirits in spiritual practice. Whether it be to honor, or show reverence, or to feel 'closer' to them. In almost all branches of religion, Pagan, Christian, etc. some form of wine, beer or other distilled spirit has always been used in ritual or ceremony. And in the process of making the alcohol, I feel an almost divinity, in the sense that it amazes me that I can take something of this earth and create something for pleasure, relaxation, and worship from it."
Distilling involves science, math, and common sense.  Without these things, you're making poison. According to Mr. Mt. Dew, "The generalized, most basic premise is this: You have a substance that contains the broken down raw material. This is called mash, or sour mash. It can be of most anything you want, the most common is equal parts of cornmeal, to water, with active yeast added to start a chemical reaction which breaks down the starches in the corn meal.
This mixture has to sit for a selected period of time, which can vary, depending on the size of the batch, and what you've made it from. This is to allow the alcohol to form, and "ferment" the mixture.  After this process, the mash is pour into a large vat, or pot, and brought to a very VERY specific temperature. Water boils at around 212 °F, while ethanol boils at around 173 °F. Methanol, that can make you blind and is what you really want to avoid, boils around 148 °F.  So, you have to be specific in watching the temperature and controlling and monitoring it constantly.
The liquid is boiled and travels through a copper tube called a "worm", which is usually coiled inside a box filled with ice or very cold water to condense the steam vapor back into liquid. When the first few drops of liquid come out, it is a general practice to throw the first couple shots away because they are the most likely to have contaminants."

"If you want to distill at home, I recommend the stove top method. There are plenty of informative websites now that can tell you how to build your own basic still from a coffee pot and styrofoam cooler. I would recommend you research it very diligently, and make sure you know what you're doing before you start, simply because you can cause yourself, or a loved one to go blind, get nerve damage, and possibly death. It's something I DO NOT recommend anybody doing, simply for the legality and health risk. Having said that, it can be fun and adventurous as you learn more about the craft and begin experimenting with different flavor combinations."  A small kitchen batch can be run for about $50.
Distilling alcohol can be illegal, and selling untaxed whiskey is very illegal.
Who really wants legal whiskey?
While Mr. Mt. Dew has never been caught, he is well aware of some close calls.  "There is a United States excise tax of $2.14 for every 750 ml of distilled alcohol, 80 proof or better. Compared to 21 cents for wine, and 5 cents for a can of beer. It is primarily illegal for this reason: lost United States government revenues. The other reasons they have listed are the possibility of contamination, bacterial and otherwise, from the home distilling process. It is legal to own and operate an alcohol still, but only with an ATF permit, and only for fuel.
I have never had too much trouble, as I didn't get caught, haha, except for one time when I was 21. I ran the liquor in my van, and it got to a point that there was always a dark blue sedan or SUV following me when I drove that van. If I drove my small sedan, it was never there, but as soon as I hit the road in the van, there they were. So, at that point I quit for a while, and have only recently thought about starting back up."

Not a big fan of straight white liquor?  Make a cordial out of it.  The most famous cordial,  and maybe the most historic, is Cherry Bounce.

It was a favorite of George and Martha Washington, and it greatly influenced North Carolina history.  While there's tons of recipes, cherry bounce is basically liquor, sugar, and cherries. With this recipe, substitute white liquor for bourbon.  For a little extra kick, imbue your Bounce with magical intent as you make it and ferment it.  Say a chant every time you turn the jar.  "Cherries pop, and cherries drop, but I'll always bounce, bounce, bounce!" [My cherry bounce chirp.]

These folks bounce cherries:
Erotic Sensations
Tonia Brown:

Mr. Mt. Dew's Drinking Song selections:

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

May You Never Thirst, Part 1: Dark, Sweet, and Hot!

This is the beginning of a whole new series.  The last series was mainly about food; this series is mainly about drinks.  If you're a Pagan mead brewer, or just a regular person who makes mead, please email me:

By the way, if you're a photographer, and you're worried about your photos being used without your permission on the Internet, then don't put the fucking picture on the Net or at the very least, water mark the bitch!

By Mistress Marmot
Espresso, percolators, French presses, K-cups, instant and good ol’ plain drip coffee. Nothing wakes you up like a cup o’ joe. And whether you make it yourself or have a local coffee shop employee to make it for you, it provides a sense of comfort akin to Mom’s chicken soup or warm chocolate chip cookies.

I’m a career barista (as in, yes, I do this for a living) at a major well-known coffee shop chain. I started working with coffee after I developed a severe daily habit for expensive lattes and the sort. Working 80 hours a week means that coffee is with you most of your day. Eventually the people at my local shop offered me a job and as it turned out, the benefits were better than what I was getting as a bank teller. Seven years later I’m still schlepping caffeine and still enjoying it. The term barista is Italian in essence, it basically means “bar person” in reference to the Italian custom of having coffee bars. So, your local coffee shop girl is your all day bartender! I could talk all day about the training, finer points and skill set of a barista, but let’s just cover the basics of brewing a great coffee at home.

 I've got quite a few tips for you in order to perfect your coffee at home. The 4 major aspects of a good cup of coffee are freshness, water, grind and temperature. If you can buy your beans whole and grind at home or grind at the point of purchase, I HIGHLY recommend it. While pre-ground freshness techniques have improved in recent years, grinding as close to the time of brewing is best. And, this will blow your mind: DO NOT PUT YOUR COFFEE IN THE FRIDGE OR FREEZER. “Why?! My grandma always did!” You might exclaim. Your grandma also thinks that black people belong at the back of the bus, that doesn't mean she’s right. Not only will your coffee absorb odors and pick up unsavory tastes from your fridge, but anytime you open your cold coffee in a warmer room, you invite condensation to accumulate within your coffee container. That moisture settles into the ground coffee and undoes the roasting process. Ideally, put your freshly ground coffee in an airtight container or large Ziploc bag and store in a cupboard. While your prime freshness window is one week from time of grind, you probably won’t notice a severe decline in taste for at least a month. You want your coffee fresh and dry for the next step of brewing.

As much of a pain in the ass as it seems, use filtered or pre-boiled water whenever possible. Slight minerals that you might be accustomed to in your drinking water can have an adverse affect on the natural oils in your coffee. If you are not using a commercial coffee maker, invest in a candy thermometer and make sure that your water is approximately 180-200 degrees before you introduce it to the coffee. What your preferred brewing method is will also determine how fine of a grind you should have for your coffee. Here is a rough breakdown of how fine or course you should have your beans ground based on your coffee maker.
French Presses and percolators need as coarse of a grind as is possible.
A flat bottom metal or paper filter (typical basket style) needs a medium grind. This has the highest surface ratio and therefore it is better if the water passes through the coffee a little bit faster.
Cone-shaped filters will take a slightly finer grind than a flat bottom. This is so that the water sits in the cone longer since there is less surface area.
Espresso machines require a fine grind so that the machine is able to compress the coffee into pucks for the extraction process. Espresso is a concentrated shot that is force brewed quickly.
The finest grind (which may not always be available in some grocery stores) is for Turkish pots. It is extremely fine, almost a powder.

Now that you know how to make a tasty cup, now you can enforce getting it perfectly made everyday! Many BDSM relationships have little customs, rituals or schedules that provide much-needed structure for some submissives. Every person takes their coffee a specific way and nothing says dedication like knowing just how much cream and sugar should go in Master or Mistress’ mug in the morning. And nothing says fun like learning from the mistakes during the process!

Even spilling on the floor is fine, as long as a bare-ass pointed up in the air being hit with a serving spoon while they clean it up provides enjoyment for the whole gang. Along with that, coffee can be used in sleep deprivation scenes or in coffee enemas. Plus, used grounds can be made into facial masks as part of a beauty regime with pampering. Many stores sell fun accessories like serving trays as well. Imagine having your slave prance into your bedroom, the perfect cup of steaming coffee delicately balanced on it. What a way to start your morning, right?
Personally, my favorite aspect of coffee is the serving! I spend all day serving it to the public as my job, and I’ll be damned if I will go home just to do it all again. Nothing says comfort like coming home to some Nina Simone songs, kicking off my shoes, stretching out and having a scantily clad boy bring ME a hot cup of java.

These folks love coffee too:
Erotic Sensations:
Tonia Brown:

Friday, April 13, 2012

Melt Me!: Hot Wax Rituals, Giveaways, and Product Reviews

It's time for a new round of giveaways and drawings.   This time there will be two, yes two, drawings.
First Drawing (April 13-May 13)
This drawing is open to anyone who is a PUBLIC follower of "The Barbed Pentacle" by May 13.  All of the names of my public followers will be placed into a hat, and someone other than myself will drawing out the lucky name.  If your name is drawn, you will win the Barbed Pentacle prize pack that includes a small strap from (perfect for discretion while traveling), and two wax play pillars, in Barbed Pentacle colors, from Erotic Sensations.
Second Drawing (April 13-May13)
This drawing is opened to any who contacts me via Facebook, Twitter, or Google+, or who emails me at  All you have to say is "enter me in the drawing".  Click here for links.  The winner of this drawing will win a fabulous prize pack of hot pink, royal blue, and yellow pillar candles from  Erotic Sensations.

Erotic Sensations candles are really wonderful.  I product tested one, and I have to say, they blow dollar store candles out of the water.  The candle melts quickly, the wax is soft and velvety, and they are almost smokeless.  There was some slight redness left on my skin after play, but it dissipated with in a minute or two.  No burns at all!

What should you do with the candles that you win?  Add them to your rituals!  A whole section on Hot Wax Rituals  has been added to the BDSM ritual section.  Just scroll down until you get to Johnny Cash.  Happy waxing!

These folks wax before they ride:
Erotic Sensations
Tonia Brown

My Blogoversary Party Post: Sexy, Dark, and Bloody--Of Wiccan Bondage

Of Wiccan Bondage

Photo by Nobuyoshi Araki

Ever since I've found this photo, I've been fascinated by it.  I like pretty Asian women, and I like them even better in shibari or other bondage.  I had thought originally that I might write a bit of fiction using this photo as inspiration (because believe it or not I can write some very strokable prose), but my muse has led me in a different direction.

I think all religion is bondage.  If you're a good and proper adherent to your religion's beliefs, then you're a slave. Even with "free will" and "free choice", if you're a really ardent believer then you're a slave to the Divine force that you follow.  Just as the Nazi's had "Work brings freedom" over the gates of Auschwitz, I've had riggers whisper, "Bondage brings freedom" before they put the finishing touches on me. They were right.

People who are not into bondage, or any sort of dominant/submissive acts, may not understand what the bondage riggers meant. In voluntary physical bondage, you have willingly given up all control. You can struggle, but there's no reason to because you can't get away. You can scream, but there's no reason to because your words aren't going to change the plan that your Dom(me) has decided upon. There's no reason to do anything but trust and go with the flow, and in that forced helpless state, your mind is set free to discover things about yourself you're normally too busy to notice. Things are quiet enough, finally, for your mind to be free to roam within the depths of itself.

Spiritual bondage works the same way. Once you have given your will over to your Deity, and you fully trust your divinely provided intuition, you're free from worry, free from guilt, free from distrusting the way things work, free to embrace happiness. This freedom opens up other freedoms that often merge with the same freedom that physical bondage brings. I know all of this sounds a little like butterflies and ladybugs, but just like everything, there's a spider and scorpion side too.

Wiccans who embrace all aspects of their faith fully are bound by some fairly stout ropes, that if broken by free will, can bring about some pretty powerful strokes from the Cosmic scourge. The main belief that Wiccans (myself included) are bound by is the Wiccan Rede, "'An it harm none, do what thou will." You can ask five people, and each person will give you a different interpretation of it. This is where the freedom of being guided by Divinity comes into play. I believe that the Rede should be interpreted differently by each person because each person engages life differently. However, despite this belief, if I go against what my God and Goddess are leading me to do, if I break my bond not to harm, then there are consequences--just as there are in the play room when you choose not to stay put.

Most Wiccans also follow the Threefold Rule (or Law): What you do, say, and spell, will come back to you threefold. This is where the Cosmic scourge comes into play. Since you have willingly decided to be spiritually bound by Divinity, you have to trust that if you've been "good" that the lash will be soft and playful (and maybe lined with fur!), but feel certain that if you've broken your bonds, the lash will be harsh and bloody. The same is true of being in bondage to Divinity as was true in the Old Testament of being bonded to Rehoboam, "My father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions." I believe that because most Wiccans have sought out this spiritual bondage and were not forced into it, that the Universe holds us to a higher standard of behavior. Like any good submissive, we need to push ourselves to meet that challenge all the while realizing that we'll never reach perfection.

Just as all Wiccans have been given different interpretations of the Rede, Wiccans also engage their Deities in a myriad of different ways. While a lot of Wiccans like to chase the fluffy bunny aspects of Divinity down the endless rabbit hole, I tend to like to linger in the shadows for a quickie against the wall with my God and Goddess. Sometimes they don't even take my panties off; they just pull them aside. Then we rip the fluffy bunny apart barehanded and enjoy it raw.

My bondage is sexy, dark, and bloody. My bondage has been sealed with sex and blood, just like an "Old Time" Gardnerian handfasting. And that's as it should be. The only key that will unlock my shackles is my trust in my Deities, since my bondage and servitude to them has set me free.
Check out these Sexy, Dark, and Bloody folks:
Erotic Sensations
Tonia Brown

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 8: Urban Homesteading

When most people hear the word "homesteader", an image of Laura Ingalls Wilder or some similar personage pops into their head.

 Some people may be a little more hip, and conjure up an image of a Mother Eather living in a sod house run by solar energy. While the first image was valid in the 1870's, and the second in the 1970's, neither image is a very valid representation of the urban and suburban homesteaders of today.
Urban/suburban homesteading is the keeping of animals and gardening for self-sufficiency in an urban or suburban environment. What most urban homesteaders do today, three to four generations ago would have been considered matter-of-fact. It was not unusual then for even the most urban of dwellers to have two or three chickens caged up waiting to go into the pot. Everybody grew something, even if it was only tomatoes in pots on the fire escape.
Urban homesteading is often called "micro-farming" because it uses minuscule plots of land to their fullest. Homesteaders do this by utilizing miniature, pygmy, and bantam breeds, raising livestock that require little space, gardening in raised beds, using the square foot method of organization, and employing companion planting. Chickens, rabbits, and bees are popular species that are kept on urban homesteads due to their minimal space requirements and the farm products that are produced from them.

Make sure when you start planning your back yard or rooftop homestead to research your area's laws and ordinances regarding livestock in the city limits. While more and more cities and towns are recognizing the importance of backyard livestock, there are still many areas that don't allow chickens, much less larger animals like goats, and some of these municipalities even have bee bans.  If you slaughter your own livestock, which in keeping with Pagan ideals, I highly suggest you do, you should also research your area's ordinances about disposal of dead animal parts.  Some areas want you to bury the remains, while other areas want you to incinerate them or take them to a special landfill.  Most cities will not allow you to set up a bone project in your back yard.  They frown on charnel houses.
Bees are incredibly easy to keep in an urban environment, and they add an interesting element to many Pagans' spirituality.  The insects have traditionally been viewed as messengers, but I stated above, some places do not allow bees.  For more information on starting your own urban hive, click here.   Urban bees tend to have an easier time surviving since so many gardens are planted with early and late blooming exotics and there are numerous water sources from fountains to sprinklers.

So, this all sounds vaguely interesting?  Call upon your favorite pastoral deities, and head to the feed store and live stock auctions!
Check out the eggs laid by these chickens:
Erotic Sensations:
Tonia Brown:

Monday, April 9, 2012

Show off those sexy feet and go barefoot tomorrow!

A reader, who is a big fan of the Blessed Be Thy Feet Series, suggested One Day Without Shoes.  One Day Without Shoes is an organization dedicated to raising awareness about the diseases and dangers that many people in the world face because they don't have shoes.  So, if you want a good excuse to go barefoot tomorrow and piss off your boss, join the movement!

These folks will be going barefoot tomorrow:
Erotic Sensations:
Tonia Brown:

Thursday, April 5, 2012

And One to GROW On!

It's just not a birthday celebration if at least one person doesn't impersonate Marilyn singing "Happy Birthday."

"One to grow on, one to live on, one to eat on, one to be happy on, and one to get married on!"

It's also not a birthday if at least one person doesn't try to swat your ass.  Ever wonder where that tradition came from?  No, it wasn't just some sick fucker trying to ruin a little kid's day nor was it some kinky person trying to please their partner.  It actually started with the nameless ancients, who believed that evil spirits surrounded people at all times, especially on their birthdays.  These evil spirits were devious enough to want to make a birthday a death day.  In order to get rid of the evil spirits, the birthday person was spanked to drive away the evil.  With each swat, a prayer or blessing was said for the coming year, hence, "One to grow on."  This belief was wide spread enough that many cultures, not just European/North American, have traditions of folks being somewhat brutalized on their birthdays.  As time went on and Christianity took hold, it was said that if a person wasn't spanked at least once a year, that the soul was being softened up for Hell and that the body was being softened up for the grave.
There's many ways that this quaint tradition that many of us remember from childhood can be given a magical hit.  The easiest method is to make sure that as you deliver the swats, whether light and playful or hard enough to be remembered for a few days, that you say those blessings for the coming year.  It's like cakes and ale: "May you never hunger" and "may you never thirst."  With out those blessings, you're just eating and drinking in circle.  With out these blessings, you're just smacking some ass.  You could use the traditional blessings stated above, or you could be thoughtful and write blessings specific to the birthday person's situation. 

You can also, as your hand connects with the other person, send nice energy to them, to sustain them for the coming year.  This energy would ideally back up your blessings for an extra magical boost.  If you're not familiar with sending energy, just imagine that as your hand connects, nice warm light is transferred from your body to the other person.  Or, you could go one step further and not only say the blessing and transfer energy, but imagine what that blessing is actually saying.  For example, you would say "One to grow on", send that nice energy into the person, and imagine the person growing physically, spiritually, and mentally.  Because of the possible complexities of this magical working, don't feel like you have to rush the birthday spanking.  Just let it be nice and leisurely (and it's their birthday, after all, so it SHOULD be fun!).

Number magic is another natural choice for a magical birthday spanking.  Since birthday spankings traditionally consist of the number of swats plus a few extras, numerology, tarot card numbering, Kabbalah numbering, and the I Ching can all be used in the magical working.  There are lots of different ways these various divinatory systems can be employed.  The simplest is to look up what the number of the person's age represents.  Then, if it is an auspicious meaning, that meaning can become part of your intent with the spell as you deliver the blows--literally beating it into the recipient.  If the meaning is inauspicious, then your intent would be to beat into them things that would counter act the meaning.  You may even want to beat out a protective astral shield for them, in much the same way a black smith would have hammered out a metal shield, except you would be working with skin.

Another way to integrate number magic and divination into the spanking is to pay attention to the recipient's reactions to your licks and divine their future for the year from that.  For example, if the recipient is fairly quiet up until lick number 7, when he/she whimpers or cries out or laughs, then the meaning behind that number (from whatever system you are using) would indicate their fortune for the year.

Birthday spankings are traditionally done with a bare hand, but that doesn't mean that implements can't be used, or my favorite--a hand gloved in leather.  If you're interested in magic dealing with switches, check out the "Cut Me A Switch, Bitch" section in BDSM rituals.

Have fun as you administer your birthday spankings and receive them.  Remember, birthday spankings should be a safe, sane, and consensual adult event.  Don't do anything stupid that will land you in jail or bring bad karma.

So, in closing:  Happy Birthday Booker T. Washington!  May we all be able to cast down our buckets where we are and be content with what we draw up!

Check Out These Awesome Folks!
Erotic Sensations

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Click, click,

In case you've been oblivious while you've been perusing my blog, there's a series of graphics to the right of this post.  If you click them, they take you to some really wonderful places.  Some of these sites have really cool things for sell, and some of them just have really cool things to read.  Regardless, please take a few minutes and look around, and as Boomhauer says, "Click, click, click, click, click."  Happy clicking!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Wicker Tree--Watch it with a flask on Tortuga

I wish I had been drunk when I watched this movie.  I wish I had toked something too.  However, I'm glad I went to Tortuga to view this because I would have been super pissed off and let down if I had paid real money to see it.  I also wish that the movie had been released under its original title in the U.S. because it sounds like a gay porn movie and it makes me giggle.
The whole time that I watched the movie, I kept asking, sometimes audibly, "Where's Rowan Morrison when you need her?"  "Where's the Landlord's Daughter?"  "Where's the music!"  "Caper, damn it, caper!!!!"  I wish the movie had capered.
The basic premise of the movie is similar to the original.  I suppose that makes sense since both movies were made by Robin Hardy, and "The Wicker Tree" is suppose to be a sequel.  Instead of the populace suffering from poor crop harvests, the populace this time is suffering from poor baby harvest due to a nuclear accident. Instead of a single born again virgin cop, we have a pair of born again promise ring Texans.  This time, it's not just Rowan Morrison that needs saving, it's all of Scotland's souls (I'm sure the Church of Scotland would have something to say about that since all of Scotland's souls are predestined..)
"The Wicker Man" was full of wonderful, memorable songs, many of which I dearly love to fuck to.  Not this movie.  Yes, it has music.  It even has music as one of its themes, but I don't remember a lot of the songs.  The bits that I do remember, I can't find anything about them on the web.  I remember something about the Laddie and horses of the fairy breed.
The movie also needs more sex and nudity.  Lolly is the only character who is comfortable with sharing her goods.  Some of the other characters talk about being comfortable, but when it comes time for show and tell, their clothes never come off.
"Scots and Englishmen can always find their way to the pub, but when it comes to the clitoris, they think it's an island off of Greece famous for its ouzo."  That's the best line of the movie.  Only one line.
I did like the character of Jack the Raven Man.  It was fun to figure out which poems he his dialogue came from.
I also liked the card trick scene.  In this scene Promise Ring boy whips out one of his missionary tools and has corresponded the cards in a standard playing deck to the Bible.
Here's my Wiccan version:
1: 1 stands for how many it takes to worship.
2:  2 stands for Hieros Gamos, the holy union.
3:  3 stands for the Triple Goddess: maiden, mother, and crone.
4:  4 stands for the four directions: north, south, east, and west.
5:  5 stands for the five elements: fire, air, water, earth, and spirit.
6:  6 stands for something, but I don't really remember what.
7:  7 stands for the Charge of the Goddess because you're pretty lucky if you remember all the words.
8: 8 stands for the Eight-fold path.
9:  9 stands for Hecate, the crone at the crossroads.
10: 10 stands for I'm too fucking tired to come up with something clever.
Jack: The Jack is the young Lord, ravaging the countryside.
Queen:  The Queen is the Goddess--queen of Heaven and queen of the Underworld.
King:  The King is the Dark Lord, harvesting as he goes.
Run, Promise Ring, run!
I did learn some things from this movie:

  • There are supposedly people in Scotland who do not even believe in angels.
  • You can wear promise rings if you're not a virgin.
  • Jesus invented a new kind of love.
  • Jesus was braver than Rob Roy.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I fell asleep while I watched the movie.  So, I watched it again.  I fell asleep again.  I don't think I missed much.

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