Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Multiple love, not multiple bastards

Polyamory. I'm sure by just reading that one word you already have an opinion formed. Monogamy is a much easier relationship arrangement than polyamory, even if you have trouble being monogamous. 

 In a true polyamorous relationship, all the partners involve have to strive to make sure that everyone gets equal time and attention with everyone else involved and that jealousy and strife are kept to a minimum. From personal experience, I can assure you that giving equal time to everyone and keeping jealous thoughts and actions at a minimum is much easier typed than done.

Polyamory, and other such free love concepts like open relationships and swinging, also entail a great deal of responsibility. The lovers involved have the responsibility of fidelity, emotional support and integrity, and contraception--for both the prevention of disease and children. I've noticed that a lot of Pagans, in particularly men but not always, think "oh, we're all about nature and such we don't need condoms" or they leave it all up to the woman (which just seems to be a universal male tendency). 

 Or, which is more truthful, the people involve just don't care. When this happens, you end up with a lot of unexpected children that often are not financially or emotionally supported by the father. I've been hearing about this more and more in the community and it bothers me. Polyamory does not mean that you can leave a trail of bastards behind you as you bounce from one festival to another or even one group to another. 

 It does not mean that you can sprinkle your seed across the land like dandelion down, nor does it mean, ladies, that children should pop up like mushrooms every time you spread your legs. It's not that hard to take 10 minutes to be responsible! If you can't afford children, then you need to save up for at least condoms and spermicide (and don't just use the spermicide dumbasses! I've heard that excuse too!) if not morning after pills as well.
I don't know how the law operates in other states and countries, but in North Carolina if you don't pay your child support, your ass ends up in jail. Now, to be fair, the way that the child support rate is figured is not always just to the paying party (which is not always the father), and if the paying parent's circumstances change, it's usually next to impossible to get that rate decreased. However, in most cases, I have very little sympathy when mommas and daddies end up in jail for not paying child support, especially when the child was born completely out of any sort of wedlock or other serious or religious relationship, and you owe on more than one child by more than one partner. Suck it up and take your month in jail or go get a fucking job and stop fucking everything that moves!