Friday, March 30, 2012

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 7: Guerrilla Gardening, Squatters' Circles, and Urban Foraging


As anyone who has gardened knows, gardening is dirty work.  It's sweaty, dirt gets under your nails, your hair gets messed up.  Sounds sort of like sex!  For me, gardening is a very sensual act.  You're plowing furrows and fingering seeds into the warm, moist earth.

Gardening is also a very magical act.  The act lends itself well to sympathetic magic.  You can imbue your desires or intent into the seed and then plant it.  As it grows, so too should your intent or desire.
Magic can also be added to gardening by following the old traditions of planting by the signs.  There are two systems to take into consideration when planting by the signs.

System One is to plant by the phases of the moon.  New moon to Full moon is good for planting above ground crops and seeds and for digging new beds.  The Full moon is best for harvesting.  The Waning moon is best for weeding and pruning.  Root crops should be planted in the dark of the moon.  System One is the simplest system.
System Two is to plant by where the moon is in the Zodiac.  It's more complicated than System One and requires the use of a Farmer's Almanac.  System One and Two can be combined together, but it's sometimes difficult to find compatible days. Just like with most magical workings, timing is important, and folks, especially Old Timers, will swear that plants do better when planted at the appropriate time.  If you can't wait to dig into magical gardening, there are lots of good books out there, particularly by Kate West and Ellen Dugan.
What should you do in the garden when the moon's in Scorpio?
For many people, myself included, gardening space is at a premium because they live in an urban or suburban environment.  Container, balcony, and rooftop gardening are all wonderful options, but so is Guerrilla Gardening.

Guerrilla Gardening is a concept that started in London to fill the empty, arable spaces in the city.  Some of the land was city owned, but most of it was vacant private lots.  The movement has now grown worldwide.

Except for the subversive nature of it, guerrilla gardening is not much different from regular gardening.  Both Wikihow and Guerrillagardening.org have step-by-step guides and tips for beginners.


Seed bombs are a common guerrilla gardener's tool. Made from seeds, soil, and water, the bombs are made to be nonchalantly tossed into vacant lots and will burst open on contact.  They work best if they are made from seeds that do not have to be covered by soil to germinate.  Germination requirements can usually be found on the back of seed packages. Seed bombs are perfect for garden spells, especially if you are without a garden space.  First, figure out the proper timing for the spell.  Then, imbue your seeds with your intent and desires.  Your seeds should be representative of your intent.  To ensure this, consult correspondence charts or a language of flowers guide.  More than one type of seed can be added to the bomb to create a complex and longer lasting spell.  If you want, writing a chant to say while you make the bomb and at launch time will strengthen your magic.  Now choose your location. Ideally, it should be a location near something related to your spell intent or near you.
My god looks like Che!
When it's time, travel to your launch site, and on the way invoke the God and Goddess to aid your seeds and desires to germinate and grow.  Now throw!  If you wrote a chant for the spell and you pass the site often, recite your chant every time you go by.  The more you put your intent out to the Universe, the more likely the Universe is to make it a reality.

In a way, guerrilla gardens are squatters.
Real squatters--not her--use unoccupied land without the owner's permission.  Squatting is common everywhere, and every place has different rules about it.

Depending on your locality's  laws, you may be able to make a guerrilla garden into an outdoor worship area.  Many urban and suburban Pagans don't worship outdoors because they don't have a piece of land to worship on.  Some Pagans utilize parks, but many don't because of the number of people milling about.  However, with some strategic planting, lots of invisibility thoughts, and good site scouting, circle squatting is a much better option than the park.  Before you start your outdoor circle, make sure to research the laws in your area about squatting.  While you're of course going to claim ignorance if a cop stops you, it's always best to know beforehand where you stand legally.
Vacant lots and other "wild" urban and suburban places are also excellent for foraging and gleaning.  Foraging is when you gather edibles from the wild.  This can either be done along the marginally green areas
or in the wilds of the park.
There many good field guides available specifically geared toward foragers.  Make sure to get one that's specific to your area.  Some easy foraging foods are fruits, dandelion greens, Queen Anne's Lace tubers, wild strawberries, and nuts.  If you're not sure if the plants you're foraging from have been sprayed with chemicals, then leave them be.  Treehugger.com has an informative guide for beginner foragers.
Ruth gleaned a rich husband!
Gleaning is similar to foraging, except that it occurs in a cultivated setting.  Gleaners collect the produce that has been left behind by farmers and gardeners.  The produce may be slightly bruised, wind fallen, or simply left by a harvester.  Following old hospitality traditions, many farmer and gardeners will purposely leave behind a portion of their harvest.  There are many aid agencies and food banks that rely on armies of foragers to harvest the extras for the hungry.  However, there's no reason why you can't harvest for yourself.  Many cities now have websites and Facebook pages that have up-to-the minute information about where to get wind fall apples or forgotten tomatoes.  Seriouseats.com is a good starting point for finding free food in your area.

Good food doesn't have to be expensive, nor is a lack of land a good excuse for not growing your own food. Food grown by you tastes better, is healthier, and it puts you closer to the God and Goddess and their holy union.


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Tonia Brown: www.thebackseatwriter.com
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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 6: Nothing's Better on a Cracker than Aphrodite's Oyster!


Raw, succulent meat; the juices trickling down your mouth as the flavors create star bursts in your eyes and make you hard and throbbing.  The experience of eating meat in its original, or close to its original state, can be truly orgasmic.  It excites the primal urges in us that day-to-day living often suppresses or squelches. The same primal urges that push us to occasionally tear into a piece of raw meat are the same urges that rule our sex drive, and for many of us, the urge to worship in a Pagan format.  Raw meat encapsulates sex and Paganism in all its forms:  from the super elegant sushi 

to the fun and vibrant ceviche
to the familiar but slightly exotic carpaccio,
to the raw, harsh, and just a little dirty, tartare.

By eating raw meat, you take the essence of life into you, just like you do when you swallow during oral sex.  When you partake of the essence of life, how can you ever truly hunger?  Try eating raw meat protein for cakes and ale during your next ritual and see how big of a difference it makes.  Once people get over their initial ignorance and actually try it, they'll be begging for more because it entices the body to make endorphins which makes you feel wonderful!  Then they'll be begging to leave to hook up with the one(s) they like best, unless you belong to one of THOSE groups.

While all of the above mentioned raw meat dishes can act as an aphrodisiac, the raw meat that most people are familiar with is the oyster.  Slurping oysters can range from absolute decadence to pure primal passion.  Why stop at dozen?  Give me the whole net full!  Just from looking at a raw oyster, it's easy to see how early humans assumed that the mollusk would aid in the marital bed.
Some oysters even have a little pearl to rub, just like the real deal!




Before slurping, you first have to learn how to shuck oysters, which sounds an awful lot like you're doing something else to the oyster......


Now comes the most wonderful part of all:
She looks like she can feel the Goddess exciting her taste buds and sliding down her throat!
Evangeline the Oyster Girl, a goddess in her own right.
Although oysters are thought to be an aphrodisiac, one of those wonderful eponymous substances from the goddess Aphrodite, Aphrodite is not usually associated with oysters.  Instead, it's the fabled scalloped that she is known for.
Out of the sea foam she came, riding the waves on a scallop shell after being created from Uranus' severed testicles.  So in essence, the goddess of love, beauty, and passion was conceived in the ocean (a most feminine of forces) from the scattered seed of a god--and given the nature of the seed giving, it could almost be seen as a conception from rape.  I guess that's what you can expect when your name is Ur-anus!
Among the many things that are considered sacred to Aphrodite, like scallops and horses (because you know the goddess of Love loves to ride), sparrows (that's me!) can be counted in the number.
Just like oysters, Aphrodite's scallops can be eaten raw.

So, where should all this raw meat be leading you?  To rekindling the passion in your life--whatever passion that might be!

Sparrow's Aphrodite Passion Ritual

Like most of my rituals, this one is very free form and can be done with a magical partner or alone.  You will need to assemble the following items: rose scented candles, myrrh incense, apple slices and seeds, a pomegranate (and the juice or wine), raw meat--preferably sea food, raw honey, pearls (real or fake), scallop shells, and any sexual aids you may want. 

Set up your ritual space as you would normally.  Then light the myrrh and call out to Aphrodite to join you in your rite to rekindle passion in your life.  On your candle, write or etch the areas of your life you want to be more passionate in.  Focus on these for a minute, and then light the candle.  As the candle catches, see yourself becoming more passionate in those areas.

After the candle has burned for a bit, pour some of the wax into the scallop shell.  Before the wax cools, add in pearls, apple seeds, and pomegranate seeds and see with each item, passion returning to you.  If you have myrrh resin, you can add some of that as well.  You can make a pattern or be free form. This is your passion talisman.  Just as a woman's shell is filled with the passion of her lover, your shell has now been filled with your passion.  Hold the shell as you consume the raw meat, honey, fruit, and drink.  Don't forget to libate to Aphrodite.  As you consume your meal, feel the passion of Aphrodite fill you up, starting in your groin and working outward from there.  Feel her passion being infused into your talisman.  Enjoy yourself.  Enjoy the feelings and textures that you're experiencing.  That's what passion is all about.  If you wish, the ritual can be sealed and ended with passionate sex or some steamy self love.  If possible, let the candle burn itself out.  If not, extinguish it and relight it when you need a passion boost.
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For more information about incorporating raw meat into your every day diet, visit: http://www.rawpaleodiet.com/.

If slurping fish just isn't your thing and you much prefer cans, then have fun exploring other things to eat on a cracker.

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Monday, March 26, 2012

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 5: What Zombies Like to Eat

Zombies like to eat people, and not in the same why that I like to eat people.  They like to eat fresh, live people. According to Wiccan author Tonia Brown, who has made a name for herself in the horror, zombie, steam punk, and smut genres, zombies will also eat other live animals.  The key word here, though, is live.
Zombies historically have been cannibals.  As humans, we have a deep aversion to cannibalism, even when it's done for absolute survival and the cannibalized person died of natural causes.  Why is this?  Is it because if we engage in cannibalism then we give in to our primal selves and become more animal-like than human-like?  Other animals engage in cannibalism, why shouldn't we?

There are many cultures around the world that engage in different forms of cannibalism, from straight up killing your neighbor and putting him on the grill, to eating a dead monk's brain to ingest his knowledge, to smoking a cremated relative's ashes.  On a recent episode of Shameless, Frank and Monica smoked Grammy Gallagher's cremated remains.

 I've smoked remains before, as well as eaten them in brownies and drank them in Cuba Libres.  It's a little gritty, on a lot of different levels, but considering all the things they do with cremated remains now (even packing them into empty ammo casings), it's really not that odd.  What better way to honor a dead friend than to make them part of your body and engage in some sorta legal cannibalism?

Moral discussions about cannibalism, as well as the usual quest for food, is an all consuming drive in Tonia Brown's new novel, Bad Ass Zombie Road Trip.

 The novel is about two guys, Dale and Jonah , who fancy themselves musicians. On the way to a gig, things pretty much go to Hell in a beat up Ford Focus on the side of an interstate in California. Anyone who has been to or lived in California knows that the interstates there are Hell, so it should come as no surprise that the handsome devil Lucifer is roaming the asphalt. In a series of unfortunate, profanity laden events, things go from bad to worse as Jonah is swallowed up by a whale of a situation. The boys end up on a cross-country race against the clock to recover the most precious thing that Dale possesses (and it's not his penis). Along the way, the boys learn that it's almost impossible to outwit the Devil, they pick up a stripper named Candy, and they learn about the weird toilet phenomena that happens when a zombie eats human food.

This is a perfect electronic read for your spring break beach adventure or your summer road trip to visit the numerous over-priced Pagan festivals that are being planned as you read this review. Its light, raunchy prose will keep you amused and slightly aroused for hours on in while you bake yourself in the sand and sun or pretend to be interested in some over-hyped Pagan expert that charges several hundred dollars an hour to tell you how wiping your ass is no longer healthy and that Gaea doesn't approve of Charmin toilet paper.

The only negative thing that I have to say about this novel is that Candy does not come across as a genuine Carolina girl. If she were really from the Carolinas then she would never have told the boys that to people who live on the board between North and South Carolina, that it doesn't really matter which state you say you're from. Yes it does Candy! It matters a great deal! As someone who has lived in both Carolinas, you learn from an early age that each state thinks it's better than the other one. To people in South Carolina, everyone from North Carolina is in-bred and a redneck. To people in North Carolina, everyone in South Carolina is a snob and a crook. They're very different places, Miss Candy. How about you don't get caught in the rain and melt as you try to decided which Carolina you're from, sugar foot!

For more information on real zombies, check out Zora Neale Hurston's Tell My Horse. To purchase a copy of Bad Ass Zombie Road Trip visit: http://www.amazon.com/Badass-Zombie-Road-Trip-ebook/dp/B006ZAJ4M4.


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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Ostara is like a fresh laid egg: sometimes clean, sometimes bloody, sometimes shitty, but always warm!

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 4


Happy Ostara!


I'm sorry that this post is tardy.  I got quite caught up celebrating the reason for the season by making love and partying.

Eggs are often associated with Ostara, particularly fresh chicken eggs.  Contrary to what a lot of people think, eggs do not pop out of a hen nice and clean.  They are often really nasty.

Why are eggs often nasty?  Look where they come from!

The eggs that you buy in the store, even supposedly farm fresh ones, have been blasted with water until there's nothing left of the hen on them.  Also contrary to popular belief, hens do not have to have mated to lay eggs.  Hens will lay eggs in spite of their virginity (egg laying snakes are the same way).
Mounted while mounting!


There are lots of different things that you can do magically with eggs, besides dyeing them (which I'll cover shortly) and ovamancy (the many different ways you can divine with an egg--and there is more than one way!).  Eggs are often used to represent babies, so it's only natural that eggs can be used in both fertility spells and abortion spells.  For both types of spells, it's best if you use fertilized eggs (which you usually don't find at the supermarket but you may find at the farmer's market--just make sure to ask), but you can use an unfertilized egg for the abortion spell, especially if it's performed during the first month of pregnancy.  
To make a baby, take a fertilized egg, and dress it (rub it) with your and your partner's sexual fluids and blood (just prick your finger).  Then write down all your wishes for a baby.  Wrap the paper with your desires around the egg.  Bury the egg in the ground under a body of water.  Make love with one another to seal the spell.  Make sure to time this spell with ovulation.
This just seemed like a good abortion picture.

To abort a baby, first meditate and make sure that this is what you want to do.  Once it's done, it's done, and this spell doesn't always work in the way that you think it might.  Take a fertilized egg, and dress it with the pregnant woman's sexual fluids and blood.  Then break the egg into a cauldron (symbolizing the cauldron of Cerridwen), and say something along the lines of: Take back this gift.  Let the womb release the human fish in its bubbled seas.  Unclench the gut.  Let the gut.  Let the birth run out that none may be hurt in flesh or heart.  Muse, Powers, Spirits, Beings of Light and Fire and Poetry, grant my thought your power to act; I pray that she may be in all ways granted mercy.  Finally, bury the remains of the egg.  This spell can be done in conjunction with taking herbs to cause an abortion.



Hen fireworks are good to use for spells dealing with other types of fertility, especially when you need something quickly and dramatically.

Fresh laid, fertilized eggs contain a life energy that you don't get with the typical egg from the supermarket.  Besides the vibrant hues of the shell and the lusciousness of the yolk, eating them makes you feel a wonderful joie de vivre.   My favorite way to eat fresh eggs is barely cooked and super runny.
It's like sex on a plate with a ray of sunshine!  It's my favorite pre-sex and post-sex food.  I could eat them everyday with toast and never get tired.
"Song of Spring Time"
Why is Ostara associated with eggs?  Spring is a time of extreme fertility, and eggs are a universal symbol of fertility.  In some European countries, brides were given decorated eggs as a way to give them symbolic fertility.  In other places, the farmer's wife would give the hired hands bowls of eggs to ensure that they sowed and reaped a rich harvest.  Eggs were dyed and decorated to ward off evil in many homes.  Although eggs symbolize fertility, it goes much deeper than that.  Fertile eggs are where the soul resides, which is why egg spells tend to work.

How to Naturally Dye Eggs from Your Kitchen:
Add 2 tsp of white vinegar to boiling water, and any of the following ingredients--
  • Red/Pink-- Strawberries, paprika
  • Blue--Blueberries, red cabbage
  • Purple--grape juice concentrate
  • Yellow--onion skins
  • Gold--purple onion skins, curry powder, turmeric
  • Beige--tea or coffee grounds
  • Light green--chopped frozen spinach
Allow the dyes to simmer in separate pots for 20 minutes, then strain, and dye your eggs.

Egg Color Meanings:
White:
Purity
Yellow:
Wisdom, a successful Harvest, or Spirituality
Green:
Spring, rebirth, wealth, youth, growth, happiness
Blue:
Good health, clear skies
Orange:
Power endurance, ambition
Red:
Happiness, hope, passion, nobility, bravery, enthusiasm, love
Brown:
Enrichment, good harvest, happiness
Purple:
Faith, trust, power
Pink:
Success, friendship, love
Black:
Remembrance


Symbols are often added to dyed eggs by drawing out designs of wax on the egg surface before dyeing.  
The following are Pysanky (Ukranian) egg symbols:
Nets and baskets: Containing knowledge, motherhood, giving life and gifts.
 Rakes: Successful harvest. 
Sieves: Separating good from evil
Ladders: Searching, rising above the petty, ascending to heaven.
Combs: Putting things in order. Plants: Rebirth and nature. Very popular symbols.
Trees: Strength, renewal, creation, organic unity, growth, and eternal life.
Leaves: Immortality, eternal or pure love, strength, and persistence.
Flowers: Beauty, children, female principles of wisdom and elegance.
Fruit: Continuity, good fellowship, strong and loyal love, love of the Divine.
Sunflowers: Motherhood, life, love of the Divine.
Wheat: Bountiful harvest.

 Waves for wealth, rain.
Lines and ribbons for the thread of life or eternity.
Stags: Leadership, victory, joy, masculinity.
Horses: Wealth, prosperity, endurance, speed and the motion of the Sun.
Rams: Leadership, strength, dignity, and perseverance. Ram's horns symbolize strong leadership, dignity, and perseverance.
Horns: Mobility, wisdom, triumphs over problems, and implies manhood and leadership.
Bear paws: A guardian spirit, bravery, wisdom, strength, and endurance, the coming of spring.
Birds: All kinds, are messengers of the Sun and heavens, pushing away evil, fertility, fulfillment of wishes, good harvest.
Bird Parts: (eyes, feet, beaks, combs, feathers) carry the same meaning as entire birds.
Roosters: Good fortune, masculinity, coming of the dawn.
Hens: Fertility. Hen feet offer protection for the young, and guidance.
Goose feet: Symbols of soul or spirit.
Butterflies: Ascent of the soul, pleasure and frivolity of childhood.
Spiders: Patience, artistry, industry, healing and good fortune.
Fish: Abundance, sacrifice, and regeneration.


Many people view dyeing eggs as a children's activity, and it is.  However, there's no reason why you and your partner can't make each other into Ostara eggs.  Body painting/dyeing is an ancient practice that is very easy to do.  If you're up for the complicated, you can use henna, woad, or kumkum powder, all of which will be covered in future blog entries.  

For the easy, just use paint.  Many different paints are approved for use on the body, including tempera and acrylic, both of which are fairly cheap and easy to find.  As you would for your Ostara eggs, incorporate color magic and coordinated design symbolism for the intent you want to accomplish.  As always with fun bed room activities, seal up your magic with sex. 

 Since it's Ostara, try integrating vibrating egg shaped toys into your play.  There's lots of companies that sell all varieties and sizes of the eggs.  Just shop around and find the one that looks fun.  It can be your special Ostara toy!
May you have a wonderfully raunchy Ostara!

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